Well, I am officially unemployed. I have incredibly mixed feelings about the event. I got to a point Friday where I literally could not take any more, I was so overwhelmed, I was on the brink of tears almost all day. I managed to keep from crying, but that is how stressed I was feeling yesterday. I had a lot to get done at work, comments to disposition, drawings and calculations that needed to be updated to conform to a new plumbing code. Not a whole lot of that got done, there was just not enough time in the day. I got the comments dispositioned, and although it was hard to remain professional, I did a good job of being diplomatic. Sometimes you get comments that don’t make a lot of sense or just say something like “delete” with no explanation as to why you should delete said equipment. I resisted the urge to say “No” or “Why?”. I thought it was a pretty good last day; most everyone left before me so there was no hoopla as I carried the last of my belongings out to my car.
My last week at work was hard because I am no longer confident about my decision to change careers. I know that I could go back to work at my former employer even if I did not want to work on the same project that I was working on when I left. The managers made me baked goods on Monday, so there was a constant stream of people in my cube eating and asking about my plans and telling me that they thought I would be a good medical provider. It was touching. On Wednesday the piping group and a bunch of other people from other disciplines went out to lunch to celebrate my leaving. A lot of people showed up to eat some Chinese and they had all signed a card. The card had a bunch of dogs on it because John knew that I liked dogs, and everyone had signed it. I have never liked signing these cards, I don’t know what to say and I am self conscious that other people will make fun of what I wrote. I really appreciated the gesture, most of the comments said something short like good luck it was really touching. Wednesday was the last day that I saw most people because Friday is not a standard working day. I work Fridays, so I said bye to most people Wednesday, but I said bye to the other piping engineers Friday.
I don’t know exactly why I am so unsure of this career change now that I am done with work. I think I spent too much time on the Student Doctor Network last weekend. SDN is a forum for pre-meds and there is a forum for non-traditional students. There were several posts on there about people who switched careers to be MDs and regretted it. I think this can be attributed in part to the fact that med school is four very difficult years followed by at least 3 years where you get paid peanuts and have to work 80 hour weeks. As of today I have decided to continue with my pursuit of PA school (instead of med school) because I feel like it is the best path for me overall. Obviously, though, reading about other peoples’ regrets has had an effect on me and now I am less certain that I am ready to ditch engineering completely. I worry that I am going to invest a lot of my time into PA and then decide that I don’t really like that either. I wonder sometimes if there is an area of engineering that I would have enjoyed and found fulfilling. I enjoy volunteering and I love learning about the human body, but I have still lost some confidence. I think another part of this is that I am really sad about leaving my friends at work. I don’t really have any friends outside of work, and while I do not need to have a large group of friends I do need some. One step at a time, that is all I can tell myself. I have quit my job, so now I just have to focus on my classes, friends will come and hopefully the feelings of unease about my career change will go away with time.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
PA or MD?
I wrote the following blog last weekend when I was really struggling with whether I should head towards PA school or med school. I am not struggling with this like I was a week ago, but I thought it was important to post anyway.
I have really been flip flopping lately on the whole PA vs. MD question. I went into this adventure absolutely all for being a PA, but sometimes doubt slips into my mind. I have contemplated nursing as well, but I really want to both diagnose and treat, and nurses don’t get to diagnose (unless they become NPs). I originally ruled out MD because of the time that it takes to get the degree and the requisite training, the cost, and the fact that I want to have kids before I am no longer able. I wonder though if I will look back and regret my decision to not go “all the way”. I am intelligent enough and I think determined enough to make it through the school and residency, but still I worry. I am going to try and explain this, but honestly my feeling change so frequently that it is hard for me to even keep up.
The PA profession was created for former Navy corpsmen that had been serving during Vietnam and had gained substantial clinical experience in treating wounded. What they needed was the education to add to their training and experience to make them quality healthcare providers. PA school has morphed since then and you can now get in if you have great grades and have volunteered some in a hospital to get some experience working with patients. Some schools still require 1 or 2 years of actual paid hands on patient care experience. I am hoping to get a position as an ER tech where I can gain some experience because I do feel that there is a lot to be gained from actually working in healthcare prior to going back to school. I worry that the little time that I am going to be able to put into work will not really be enough and that even though I might still get into a PA school, that I will not be as good of a medical provider as if I had either more time working or had I gone to med school. I don’t even know that I could get into med school, but let’s not go there now. I want to have the knowledge base and training to be great at my job. This is how the debate has resurfaced in my head; will I be a competent medical provider if I only have volunteer experience and two years of postgraduate training?
I think a lot about having kids, and I think that the decision if and when to start a family is the main deciding factor in which path I ultimately go after. We are not ready now, that is for sure, but will we be in two years, or three, or four? Training to become a MD will take me 7 years. I do not plan to go into surgery as a MD or a PA. I would like to work in emergency medicine, so 7 years (4 med school and 3 residency). People have kids during med school and residency, those things happen, but I don’t know that I would want that kind of extra stress and pressure. Theoretically I could apply to med school this summer if I took the Organic Chem that is required. So if I get in on the first try, I will be 27 when I apply and 28 when I start school. I would be 30 when I graduated as a PA, or 32 as an MD. With the added residency of going the MD route, I would be 35 when all was said and done.
I have two more semesters to finish the pre-reqs needed for either school, Spring and Summer. This spring I planned to take Biology II, Microbiology, Statistics, and Human Development. I rearranged my schedule to see if I could fit in Organic I, and I managed to create a schedule that contains Biology II, Microbiology, Organic I, and Genetics. That is a lot of science, but I think I could do it. The problem is that one of the classes runs until 5:30 one night. I had planned on taking a CNA class in January that would be a night class from 5:30 to 9:30 M-F. The CNA class would allow me to get a job and start getting some experience which I feel is something that I need to do prior to PA school. I meant to take the class this summer while I was taking time off from classes, but I got lazy and never took it. I regret not taking it then, it would have been so much easier and I could already be working. So I could take the schedule that would allow me to think about PA vs. MD for another semester, or I could get the certification and start gaining some experience. I don’t know what to do. I need to be studying for my Lab Practical that is on Monday, but I keep getting distracted by everything else going on in my head.
I honestly don’t know what to do. I think the best thing would be to start talking to as many PAs and MDs that will talk to me about what they do, especially females. I am impatient, though, because if I decide to switch my schedule, I need to do it quickly before the classes fill up. I have my schedule set as of right now, but if I want to get into Organic, I will have to act fairly quickly.
I have really been flip flopping lately on the whole PA vs. MD question. I went into this adventure absolutely all for being a PA, but sometimes doubt slips into my mind. I have contemplated nursing as well, but I really want to both diagnose and treat, and nurses don’t get to diagnose (unless they become NPs). I originally ruled out MD because of the time that it takes to get the degree and the requisite training, the cost, and the fact that I want to have kids before I am no longer able. I wonder though if I will look back and regret my decision to not go “all the way”. I am intelligent enough and I think determined enough to make it through the school and residency, but still I worry. I am going to try and explain this, but honestly my feeling change so frequently that it is hard for me to even keep up.
The PA profession was created for former Navy corpsmen that had been serving during Vietnam and had gained substantial clinical experience in treating wounded. What they needed was the education to add to their training and experience to make them quality healthcare providers. PA school has morphed since then and you can now get in if you have great grades and have volunteered some in a hospital to get some experience working with patients. Some schools still require 1 or 2 years of actual paid hands on patient care experience. I am hoping to get a position as an ER tech where I can gain some experience because I do feel that there is a lot to be gained from actually working in healthcare prior to going back to school. I worry that the little time that I am going to be able to put into work will not really be enough and that even though I might still get into a PA school, that I will not be as good of a medical provider as if I had either more time working or had I gone to med school. I don’t even know that I could get into med school, but let’s not go there now. I want to have the knowledge base and training to be great at my job. This is how the debate has resurfaced in my head; will I be a competent medical provider if I only have volunteer experience and two years of postgraduate training?
I think a lot about having kids, and I think that the decision if and when to start a family is the main deciding factor in which path I ultimately go after. We are not ready now, that is for sure, but will we be in two years, or three, or four? Training to become a MD will take me 7 years. I do not plan to go into surgery as a MD or a PA. I would like to work in emergency medicine, so 7 years (4 med school and 3 residency). People have kids during med school and residency, those things happen, but I don’t know that I would want that kind of extra stress and pressure. Theoretically I could apply to med school this summer if I took the Organic Chem that is required. So if I get in on the first try, I will be 27 when I apply and 28 when I start school. I would be 30 when I graduated as a PA, or 32 as an MD. With the added residency of going the MD route, I would be 35 when all was said and done.
I have two more semesters to finish the pre-reqs needed for either school, Spring and Summer. This spring I planned to take Biology II, Microbiology, Statistics, and Human Development. I rearranged my schedule to see if I could fit in Organic I, and I managed to create a schedule that contains Biology II, Microbiology, Organic I, and Genetics. That is a lot of science, but I think I could do it. The problem is that one of the classes runs until 5:30 one night. I had planned on taking a CNA class in January that would be a night class from 5:30 to 9:30 M-F. The CNA class would allow me to get a job and start getting some experience which I feel is something that I need to do prior to PA school. I meant to take the class this summer while I was taking time off from classes, but I got lazy and never took it. I regret not taking it then, it would have been so much easier and I could already be working. So I could take the schedule that would allow me to think about PA vs. MD for another semester, or I could get the certification and start gaining some experience. I don’t know what to do. I need to be studying for my Lab Practical that is on Monday, but I keep getting distracted by everything else going on in my head.
I honestly don’t know what to do. I think the best thing would be to start talking to as many PAs and MDs that will talk to me about what they do, especially females. I am impatient, though, because if I decide to switch my schedule, I need to do it quickly before the classes fill up. I have my schedule set as of right now, but if I want to get into Organic, I will have to act fairly quickly.
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